Spirituality

Three British TV Shows, Two Books on Spiritual Matters, and a Poem on Peace

KimLeave a comment
Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels.com

I am still getting over Covid, which I had earlier in the month. As someone with asthma, allergies, and some other chronic conditions, it’s taking me longer than I’d like. So, I’ve been reading several books and watching a lot of shows during my downtime.

Let’s start with the poem: I came across it while searching for a John O’Donohue poem for this Substack post I wrote about peace. John O’Donohue wrote in a way that drew his readers toward wisdom, nature’s beauty and the deep things of the soul. His poetry soothes me like the arms of a loving mother: comforting, clear, and kind.

Blessing For Peace by John O’Donohue (from his book Benedictus)

As the fever of day calms towards twilight
May all that is strained in us come to ease.

We pray for all who suffered violence today,
May an unexpected serenity surprise them.

For those who risk their lives each day for peace,

That those who make riches from violence and war
Might hear in their dreams the cries of the lost.

That we might see through our fear of each other
A new vision to heal our fatal attraction to aggression.

That those who enjoy the privilege of peace
Might not forget their tormented brothers and sisters.

That the wolf might lie down with the lamb,
That our swords be beaten into ploughshares

And no hurt or harm be done
Anywhere along the holy mountain.

Next, the two books I finished this past weekend both left me inspired and encouraged.
The first is Elaine Paigels’ Miracles and Wonder: The Historical Mystery of Jesus. I wasn’t sure if this would be the sort of book so high-minded and intellectual that the gospels would be torn into tatters or presented as simply myths.

Instead, Paigels presents any historical evidence there might be to support the stories while also clearly sharing what isn’t there. She looks at topics such as Jesus’ virgin birth, his resurrection, his claim to be God and doesn’t mock or tear down anyone’s faith. She just shares facts that are known and leaves it up to the reader to choose what to believe from there. Paigels, is, after all, a historian of religion, so I would say she did her work thoroughly. If you want to read more about the life of Christ from a historical perspective, I recommend this book.

The second book I read was Ordinary Mysticism: Your Life as Sacred Ground by Mirabai Starr. This book encourages us to find the sacred and the divine in everything we do, everywhere we go. To hear the voice of God in birdsong or our partner’s voice, to connect to Divine Presence anywhere we happen to be: a meditation room, a church, at work, in the garden, making dinner. She pulls in the voices of famous mystics like Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross, Ram Dass and Thich Nhat Hanh, and everyday people she knows such as a writer friend and the woman who does her nails at the local salon.

Mirabai is so welcoming of others’ experiences, opening up the way for any of us to be mystics, to support and enrich our spiritual lives wherever we are and whatever we are experiencing. I also really appreciated her chapter on grief and how grief connects us to the Divine and to one another. I recommend this book if you’re looking to enhance your spiritual life.

Now for the three British TV shows:

Lynley is the latest TV rendition of Elizabeth George’s ongoing DI Lynley mystery series. If you’re familiar with the books or the earlier Inspector Lynley series from the late 1990s/early aughts, this is a fresh take. The mysteries were interesting enough to keep me guessing and the new versions of both the aristocratic Thomas Lynley and his detective sergeant side-kick, Barbara Havers were likable enough. Their chemistry is a bit different, as Lynley’s and Helen’s, his love interest. It has gravitas but doesn’t get depressing and adds just enough lightness to keep it balanced.

Playing Nice is a four-episode suspense/drama about a couple who find out that their son is not their biological child. The boy who they’ve raised as their own was switched with their biological son in the NICU. Their lives unravel quickly as a sociopath attempts to not only take the son they’ve raised, but prevent them from ever seeing their biological son. Starring James Norton of Grantchester and Happy Valley and Jessica Brown Findley of Downton Abbey.

Line of Duty is a police show and I watched all six seasons this month. AC-12 is a police department whose purpose is to root out corruption in the police force and catch bent cops. It’s intense and, if you like this sort of show, it’ll be difficult to stop at the end of each episode! Each season, there is a particular police officer connected to a suspicious incident that AC-12 is investigating, often undercover. The good news is a seventh season is in the works.

What have you been reading and watching lately? Please share in comments!

Evening Poetry, November 13

KimLeave a comment
Osdale River by Richard Dorrell is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, I will receive a small compensation at no extra cost to you. This helps keep my blog ad-free.

Mysteries, Yes
by Mary Oliver

Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
   to be understood.

How grass can be nourishing in the
   mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
   in allegiance with gravity
      while we ourselves dream of rising.
How two hands touch and the bonds will
   never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
   scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.

Let me keep my distance, always, from those
   who think they have the answers.

Let me keep company always with those who say
   “Look!” and laugh in astonishment,
   and bow their heads.

You can find this poem in Evidence.

I attended my first women’s circle

KimLeave a comment

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, I will receive a small compensation at no extra cost to you. This helps keep my blog ad-free.

Trees in Grovely Woods by Maigheach-gheal is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

Last night I attended a women’s circle for the very first time. It was led by Molly Remer, author of Walking With Persephone, (recommended for mid-life women), as well as several books of poetry and prayers, and co-owner of Brigid’s Grove. Molly leads a goddess-centered life and her books, journals, products, and online offerings reflect this.

Take a deep breath. Inhale deep, exhale long and slowwww. You are not in danger of being eaten by a bear. Because if you’re part of a religion with only male god/gods, the word “goddess” can sound very upsetting and threatening to your belief system. My roots are in Christianity so I know a lot about male-centric religion and the fear associated with thinking outside those parameters.

What I’ve been learning over the past several years is that much of the world worshipped either female only or female and male deities for much of human history. The church came crashing in and tried to stamp out spirituality that was connected to females or the earth. Celebrations and feast days were stolen and replace with Christian ones with Christian saints to celebrate and pray to.

Let me be clear that I still love Christ and love everything I’ve learned so far about him. I still love the story of his miraculous and humble birth, his love for the poor, sick, weak, and “sinful”, his way of speaking out against hypocrisy and the burden of religious expectation. His compassion. His love for others. Even though I’m not in a church anymore, I still listen to lovely choral music or even worship songs and sing them sometimes. I still read the Psalms and other parts of the Bible that uplift and encourage.

But I’m curious, too, about the myths and stories of goddesses from the past, and, in particular, Celtic spirituality (sans human sacrifice, of course.) The old ways. Even Jeremiah 6:16 says, “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Stone circle, Machrie Moor by Richard Webb is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

That’s what I’m doing. I’m standing at the crossroads, searching, asking for the ancient paths. Asking where the good way is. Not the white American evangelical or charismatic Christian versions of the good way. Something much further back in time than that. More wild than that. What’s at the edges, not the mainstream. Ok, enough of defending my why.

I went to Molly’s circle and was welcomed in immediately. It was a sweet, and dare I say, sacred space. No one was praying to anyone or doing demon worship or muttering scary words. Nothing made me feel on alert, afraid, constricted, or freaked out. It was just a group of women reading some poetry, discussing what mystery meant to them, listening to a song, reading a little more poetry, journaling, a little more discussion, and closing (on time) with a blessing (again, with no weird words). Everyone was kind, respectful, and listened more than they spoke. This was the first time I’ve ever felt comfortable sharing in an online group. And I was really glad I decided to go.

So that was my experience at a women’s circle last night. I plan to attend next month as well. I’d love to hear if any of you have ever been to women’s circles outside of a church setting and what it’s been like for you.

Evening Poetry, May 26

KimLeave a comment

This poem can be found in The Book of a Monastic Life in Rilke’s Book of Hours by Rainer Maria Rilke.

Only as a child am I awake

and able to trust

that after every fear and every night

I will behold you again.

However often I get lost,

however far my thinking strays,

I know you will be here, right here,

time trembling around you.

To me it is as if I were at once

infant, boy, man, and more.

I feel that only as it circles

is abundance found.

I thank you, deep power

that works me ever more lightly

in ways I can’t make out.

The day’s labor grows simple now,

and like a holy face

held in my dark hands.

I, 62

Evening Poetry, May 19

KimLeave a comment

(From Book of Pilgrimage in Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God by Rainer Maria Rilke)

In deep nights I dig for you like treasure.

For all I have seen

that clutters the surface of my world

is poor and paltry substitute

for the beauty of you

that has not happened yet…

My hands are bloody from digging.

I lift them, hold them open in the wind,

so they can branch like a tree.

Reaching, these hands would pull you out of the sky

as if you had shattered there,

dashed yourself to pieces in some wild impatience.

What is this I feel falling now,

falling on this parched earth,

softly,

like a spring rain?

II, 34

For Holy Saturday

Kim1 Comment

I wrote this poem several years ago as I attempted to imagine how the followers of Jesus might have been feeling after his death.

In Between

Where did you go

when you finished, exhaled?

Your last breath, a whisper,

brought madness to earth,

tore sky and ground. Time

stood still, dead walked.

Friends, stunned with your leaving,

stayed close to what remained

of you, your spirit unreachable.

We waited, broken, in silence

for what? We did not know.

A shroud of sorrow

bound us tightly.

We waited and wondered

where did you go?

by Kim Pollack © 2019

The Hardest Promises to Keep

KimLeave a comment

I don’t know about you, but I have a lifetime of breaking promises to myself. Of telling myself one thing and doing another. Of agreeing on a course of action only to face the unpleasantness and lack of novelty of follow-through and fizzle out.

Last summer, I was made aware of this while listening to a podcast by Rachel Hollis. She talked about how so many people are in the habit of starting and stopping things, about the lack of commitment to our own priorities, about how breaking promises to yourself makes you not trust yourself. And how no one would flake out on another person the way we often flake out on ourselves. That idea–of keeping promises to myself–was one I hadn’t really thought of before. I don’t know why.

Although I neither blame my parents or the Christian culture I was raised in, my life–the way I think and live– has been affected. Sometimes it’s been very positive, sometimes not. One of the “nots” would be this rather irksome saying my mother used to quote to me when I was a child: “Jesus first, Others second, and You always last. That spells JOY!” Sorry, Mom, but it ain’t necessarily so!

The whole concept of living to serve God and others is a noble one and I am not suggesting that now I have seen the light and only serve myself. I believe that a human who lives only for self winds up feeling empty and dissatisfied, lonely, and worthless. We all need to be investing part of ourselves in that which is greater than us, in that which may not serve us, but which will benefit others.

But in the past few years, I have begun to see how damaging the above concepts can be for women who think that God wants them to spend their entire lives putting aside their needs and/or desires, because someone else’s needs or wants must always come first. And as much as I hated to admit it, I had done a good deal of this as well. Until age 39 when I fell apart. My experience is not so unusual, really. As Brendon Burchard says, “Living incongruent to what you believe is the greatest form of unhappiness.”

So after I had my mid-life crisis, as it’s aptly called, I reassessed everything. I began to catch myself when I would say yes to something that I really didn’t want to do. I had to remind myself often of the Jen Hatmaker quote, “If it’s not a Hell, yes, it’s a No.” And this past year, I have begun to deal with my lack of consistency in many areas of my life and make myself do what I told myself I was going to do.

Commitment to myself is tough, but I know it is right! That means if I have time scheduled to write or work or exercise and one of my kids wants me to drive them last minute, or a friend wants to come over, I have to say no. It’s hard to disappoint people–I hate it!!! But I’ve had plenty of practice disappointing people in the past few years between leaving church, getting a divorce, getting remarried and living differently than I did before. (I am starting to warm up to the idea of writing more about this difficult season I’ve been in.)
If you have a habit of breaking promises to yourself, it’s going to be a process to turn things around. Begin with something small, but be on the lookout for places in your life where you constantly shove yourself aside to please others. You put things off, change your plans, let personal growth and wellness goals fall by the wayside because someone else is demanding. Again, I’m not saying live to please only you, but there has to be some place for you in this life. “Your one wild and precious life” as Mary Oliver says. I will leave you with her poem The Summer Day. Happy Monday, friends!

The Summer Day

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper I mean–

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand.

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down–

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life.

–Mary Oliver

What to Tell Yourself When You Feel Like a Failure

Kim3 Comments

Let me be honest: it is a challenge to walk the wellness path I encourage others toward. It takes lots of time and dedication to the dreams I want to manifest. It takes willpower, grit, gumption, tears, motivation from many sources and plenty of failing forward. I have many areas I still want to master. In the spirit of transparency, here are some of the things I am working on this year:

I need to be dedicated to daily writing, daily meditation and yoga, daily practice of my instruments. I have an irregular schedule, so I’m thinking that the best way to make these things happen are to make appointments in my calendar app and then follow through. I am not a morning person and do not think clearly enough to write first thing, except morning pages, perhaps. But maybe yoga would work in the morning.

Here is the emotional/mental/spiritual aspect of myself I need help with the most: being grounded in my body enough that I can be calmer, less anxious. I startle easily, am a “Nervous Nellie” as Alan calls me, and am often on the verge of panic. I am taking an herbal blend and use essential oils in the diffuser to help with this, but there are more pieces of this puzzle to be found.

The relational and personal growth-type of area I most need help in: being able to stop what I’m doing and focus on the other person, whom I love, without being preoccupied with work and wishing I wasn’t interrupted. It is really hard for me to change gears, let go of my plan, and be present with someone when I think I really need to get back to whatever I was doing.

I may fake it as well as I can on the outside, but inside, I’m fuming at having to live someone else’s plan for myself. Sometimes I can tell them that now isn’t a good time, but plenty of other times, I need to let this be my life: giving my time, energy, love and attention to the other person.

After all my years serving at church, reading books on selflessness and about being more like Christ, I wonder if I’ve progressed at all? I still like what I like and although I can be a grownup and do all the responsible, giving things on the outside, on the inside I am often willful and rebellious, smart-mouthed and sarcastic. It’s a good thing we can’t hear each other’s thoughts!

So, what do I tell myself? Do your best today! That is my aim everyday, as I’m sure it is yours. We aim to be our best selves, we sometimes miss the mark, but we reassess and keep going after the goal.

How do we treat ourselves after falling on our faces? Plenty of negative, critical self-talk, right? To care for yourself, though, and to promote inner emotional and mental health, you need to be kind to yourself. If you, like me so often, tend to beat yourself up with your thoughts and inner talk, then switch it up! Be encouraging. Find things to compliment about yourself. Remind yourself that mercies are new every morning. Tell yourself “I love you and you deserve to be loved”.

For Lent this year, I gave up negative self-talk about my body and my actions. Every time I catch myself getting ready to unload the mean words gun, I am amazed at how natural it is. It feels weird saying “I love you” to the parts of my body that I’ve never liked much. It feels weird to not criticize the way my jeans fit or my face looks on live video. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s stretching me in the right direction!

So today, assess your life and be honest about where you need to grow, be more consistent, be kinder, let go, create space, or boundaries. But notice the way you talk to yourself and if it tends toward the negative, then begin to sweeten your tone, be encouraging and kind, and tell yourself you are loved and lovable. Because you are!



Sunday Offering

Kim2 Comments

Sunday Prayer

 

I come to you at a slant, like a reverse sunbeam

from self-imposed exile. Was it easier with manmade ladders?

I’m not sure my sincerity always showed up.

Does it disappoint you that I am not in a row 

with the rest, doing my best to fit in, and failing?

 

Do you mind if the familiarity of sameness and routine 

has been cast aside in favor of singing praise

to you like falling rain or as the trees, simply by standing? 

 

I don’t want to hurt your heart 

or muddy your name with my red-lettered life. 

If you asked me if I loved you I would tell you 

I do and always have done.

 

Saints are called so for a reason and I am not one. 

Just a person with a few parts missing 

or in need of repair, coming to you 

looking for love and absolution. 

 

Some see you as dead as Zeus. 

Some don’t see you at all.

I see you everywhere mothering, fathering 

tending. Winsome and kind.

 

It is how the wind breathes into the hair of firs and 

the light gleams down on the dead brown grass.

How the birds return in spring and fly away again in the fall that I know. 

 

Perhaps my tears really are in a bottle that you keep. 

Perhaps it does matter to you if I bleed. 

Perhaps you will forgive my trespasses and 

welcome all the versions 

of myself that I present to you. 

©2018/by Kim Zimmerman/All Rights Reserved

 

DSCN5004