Do not try to save the whole world or do anything grandiose. Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life and wait there patiently, until the song that is your life falls into your own cupped hands and you recognize and greet it. Only then will you know how to give yourself to this world so worth of rescue.
I recently finished a “discussion” with a loved one, at the end of which nothing had been resolved. We hugged–we weren’t angry, but we just hadn’t come to a place where we both could nod our heads in complete understanding of the other.
Don’t you always want things to turn out right? To just get the other person’s heart and have them look in your eyes, untroubled, knowing that you care for them so deeply that you will always strive to understand them? I haven’t given up on the conversation, we’re just taking a break for now.
Healthy, worthwhile relationships require a lot of time, grace, and patience. They need room to breathe, to come together, and the ability of both people to listen with their whole hearts. It’s easy to each have a bit of a defensive attitude going on–both thinking we’re probably in the right right. And we might be, but we’re also probably a bit wrong.
We might love the days when we swing along, talking and listening and feeling the deep sense of satisfaction that comes with good two-way conversation. And we don’t love the days when we look at our friend or significant other and wonder where all the magic went and why they are behaving so differently. But don’t we do it just as often?
For the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the passage in Matthew where Jesus talked about judging. And how often I am secretly guilty of this.
Matthew 7:1-7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
As we gear up for another messy, beautiful week on this earth, let’s listen so much more than we talk. Let’s be kinder than we usually are. I recently heard Lady Gaga speaking to Oprah about how kindness is her mission in life and how kindness and love are what everyone needs.
If you actually love the person you’re discussing/arguing/having a conversation with, look them in the eye, watch their body language, and ask yourself what are they really saying. Give them kindness, give them grace, show them the love that’s in your heart. When it doesn’t work the first time, step back with your hot and hurt feelings and breathe. Reflect on how it could go better next time, and be willing to sit back down at the table with them another day. These are the words I’m telling my own heart, and the challenge I’m giving myself this week.
And, the book on listening that I am recommending to everyone this year is You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why it Matters by Kate Murphy. I read the ARC for Celadon Books toward the end of last year and realized how bad of a listener I really was! What a wake-up call to pay more attention, to soften my heart, to stop trying to get a word in edgewise, to quit assuming I know what someone is going to say next, and to learn much for what others have to say. (There are some podcast hosts that really need this book! And if I ever start a podcast, I will be re-reading this even more often. This book will help you in your real life with your partner or spouse, your kids, your friends, your co-workers, your parents, etc.
Until next time, friends! Have a good week–yes, even in the middle of January! Enjoy the slower pace, the light, the coziness of winter evenings, the opportunity to play a card game or board game with people you love while the snow whips wildly across the fields, or streets…
A cold coming we had of it, Just the worst time of the year For a journey, and such a long journey: The ways deep and the weather sharp, The very dead of winter.’ And the camels galled, sorefooted, refractory, Lying down in the melting snow. There were times we regretted The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces, And the silken girls bringing sherbet. Then the camel men cursing and grumbling and running away, and wanting their liquor and women, And the night-fires going out, and the lack of shelters, And the cities hostile and the towns unfriendly And the villages dirty and charging high prices: A hard time we had of it. At the end we preferred to travel all night, Sleeping in snatches, With the voices singing in our ears, saying That this was all folly.
Then at dawn we came down to a temperate valley, Wet, below the snow line, smelling of vegetation; With a running stream and a water-mill beating the darkness, And three trees on the low sky, And an old white horse galloped away in the meadow. Then we came to a tavern with vine-leaves over the lintel, Six hands at an open door dicing for pieces of silver, And feet kicking the empty wine-skins. But there was no information, and so we continued And arriving at evening, not a moment too soon Finding the place; it was (you might say) satisfactory.
All this was a long time ago, I remember, And I would do it again, but set down This set down This: were we led all that way for Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death, But had thought they were different; this Birth was Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death. We returned to our places, these Kingdoms, But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation, With an alien people clutching their gods. I should be glad of another death.
Today is the start of a new series called Savoring Sunday where I will write about spirituality, slowing down, self-care, soul work, quiet, and rest. Poetry will be included from time to time, but prose will be the most prominent feature. My writings are intended to share thoughts on what I’m discovering and what I’m wondering as I walk through the seasonal rhythms of the year. I hope you will join in the conversation in comments and share your own insights and experiences.
Today is the twelfth day of Christmas. I fully embraced this season that has felt very much as if time were standing still. What have I been doing? Little work (other than household chores), lots of reading, pondering, reflecting on last year, and listening to my heart. I’ve played and re-played podcasts about aligning your business to who you actually are, rather than who you think you should be.
I’ve been asking myself if I’m living in congruence with who I am. Do I have the courage to follow my intuition and live from a place of peace and listening to myself, to allow adequate time for self-care and rest as well as for learning and work? I can be so unbalanced in this! I love work and learning and can fill up my days and nights, going nonstop until I’m wired and exhausted. Because I have a business to run and I want it to succeed. I’m also a student and have plenty to learn.
But I need to take care of my whole self. My body won’t be at its best if I am not caring for it daily with proper amounts of exercise, nutrition, and rest. My mind will be anxious and troubled if I don’t allow it time to meditate and calm down. My soul craves connection with the Divine, “…my soul thirsts for you…”(Psalm 63:1) but I have to slow down and “Be still” (Psalm 46:10) to get closer to God. And getting out of doors and into Nature more often seems to bring balance to every layer and part of myself.
The other area that I’ve been thinking about is friendships. I had a few insights last year including how I have the tendency to approach friendships through the lens of ministry or “how can I help/serve you?”. This is because I was raised in a minister’s household and pretty much everyone who came to our church or to our home needed something and it was up to my parents to provide it. So I tend to look at people in light of what they might need and see if there is anything I can offer to help them.
But this is actually not what I want, so I had to stop doing it! I want to be someone’s friend, not their mom or minister. Because I have needs too! That means I have to act in accordance with this. I have to be honest and tell friends what I want, as well as ask what they want. This will be a process…
So this is a little of what I’ve been thinking through while I’ve been taking a break from business and every day life. This time-between-times has been magical. I’ve nurtured my creative self with music, reading, rest and just being, realigning myself to my purpose by doing plenty of self-inquiry, and restored my soul by listening for that still, small voice.
And because you know I love sharing my favorite resources, I’d like to share a few things I’ve been enjoying. Here are the two Spotify playlists that became my go-to music this season: Christmas Choirs (U.K) (just gorgeous) and Christmas Cocktail Jazz (the perfect quiet yet upbeat jazz instrumental music for parties, dinner, or anytime).
And here are the two journals/planners I use to keep my life in order and to keep my personal and spiritual growth moving forward: This is my fifth year using the bullet journal method and “>this is the dotted journal I love. This year I purchased the Nordic Blue color, which is the first time I’ve veered away from Black or Navy Blue. I’m splashing out! What I love about the bullet journal is that it is completely customizable to each individual. You can learn this method in a few minutes (seriously!) and use any notebook you have. If you haven’t tried it, and you’re someone who craves a simple, doable way to keep your life in one place, go with the bullet journal method. You’ll wonder why you didn’t start it sooner!
The other journal/ planner I love is the Sacred Ordinary Days Planner. It follows the Liturgical calendar, has weekly spaces for Examen, Sabbath ponderings, and a page for each day with spaces for priorities and notes. There are suggested Biblical references for each day, as well as quotes from spiritual writers. So yes, it is most suited to those with a Christian inclination, but there’s none of the annoying, overbearing, cutesy, cheesy feel that most Christian planners have. It is tasteful, sensitive, and leaves room for your own creativity and individuality.
And, lastly, here is A Literary Christmas a sweet collection of old-fashioned Christmas stories and poems on audiobook. Juliet Stevenson and Simon Callow narrate and it is a holiday treat I will look forward to each year.
I’d love to know what you’ve been thinking about, listening to, and discovering these last few weeks!