Lent

Lent Begins Again

KimLeave a comment

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. This helps keep my blog ad-free.

This morning I set out my Lenten spiral and spent a few hours decluttering and cleaning as I make room in my heart and living space for what Lent holds for me this year. I know what the traditional three aspects of Lent are: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. And I also know the tendency of humans to turn Lent into a rules-based, rather than a heart-centered practice. It’s so easy to think, “I’m doing it better” or “She’s doing it wrong” and miss the point entirely.

In the past, I’ve done the giving up of sweets or wine or chocolate. And I’ve fasted from gossip or critical talk about myself or others. This year I am practicing laying down my burdens. I have some things I’ve been carrying for several years, looking backward with regret and anguish over my perceived wrongdoings and mistakes. As if I could go back in time or make anything right that way. Our minds know we can’t but feelings can take a lot longer. Grief takes as long as it takes.

But as I wrote about on Substack yesterday, I finally feel ready. I am letting all of that go. I’m laying it down as Lent starts. I know burdens are not so easily gotten rid of when we’ve carried them for so long. So I will have to practice this letting go. Again and again. Fasting from these burdens of shame, guilt, regret, punishing myself, etc.

Last night I finished reading Yung Pueblo’s book Inward. Serendipity surprises me with its stunning ability to appear at just the right time. I started Inward last year and then all these months later right where I picked it up was right where I needed to read. From the first page I started reading he mentions releasing burdens, loving oneself, liberation, healing, etc.

Page 111 says:

letting go is medicine
that heals the heart

letting go is a habit 
that requires practice

letting go is best done
through feeling, not thinking

Page 186 says:


she's an explorer,
unafraid to travel
within her heart and mind,
ready to discover new places
to heal--releasing burdens
and planting wisdom wherever
her awareness takes her.

Page 197:
The forces 
of the universe
support those 
who work at
healing themselves

And page 210:
as our ability to
know and heal ourselves
deepens, we will be better
equipped to examine the
world more carefully
and heal it more
effectively

So back to Lent. I will be practicing this laying down of burdens this Lenten season. As I usually choose a book to read for Lent, this year I am reading Christine Valters Paintners’ A Different Kind of Fast: Feeding Our True Hungers During Lent. The chapters all seem to resonate with what I’m hungering for and will support my ongoing spiritual deconstruction.

She wrote each chapter as an invitation: Ash Wednesday Week starts with Fast from Consuming and Embrace Simplicity; Week 1 is Fast from Multitasking and Inattention and Embrace Full Presence to the Moment; Week 2 is Fast from Scarcity Anxiety and Embrace Radical Trust in Abundance; Week 3 is Fast from Speed and Rushing and Embrace Slowness and Pausing; Week 4 is Fast from Holding it All Together and Embrace Tenderness and Vulnerability; Week 5 is Fast from Planning and Deadlines and Embrace Unfolding and Ripening; and the last week is Fast from Certainty and Embrace Mystery and Waiting.

So this is what I’m purposing and what I’m reading for Lent. If you’re an observer of Lent, perhaps you’d like to join me in reading through Paintners’ book A Different Kind of Fast: Feeding Our True Hungers During Lent. I’m opening up a private chat for paid subscribers of my Substack, Old Soul Stories, to share thoughts, questions, experiences of reading this book during the Lenten season. I’d love to connect with you there. You can subscribe here.

If you observe Lent, what are your thoughts or plans for this season?

Photo by Ejov Igor on Pexels.com

What to Tell Yourself When You Feel Like a Failure

Kim3 Comments

Let me be honest: it is a challenge to walk the wellness path I encourage others toward. It takes lots of time and dedication to the dreams I want to manifest. It takes willpower, grit, gumption, tears, motivation from many sources and plenty of failing forward. I have many areas I still want to master. In the spirit of transparency, here are some of the things I am working on this year:

I need to be dedicated to daily writing, daily meditation and yoga, daily practice of my instruments. I have an irregular schedule, so I’m thinking that the best way to make these things happen are to make appointments in my calendar app and then follow through. I am not a morning person and do not think clearly enough to write first thing, except morning pages, perhaps. But maybe yoga would work in the morning.

Here is the emotional/mental/spiritual aspect of myself I need help with the most: being grounded in my body enough that I can be calmer, less anxious. I startle easily, am a “Nervous Nellie” as Alan calls me, and am often on the verge of panic. I am taking an herbal blend and use essential oils in the diffuser to help with this, but there are more pieces of this puzzle to be found.

The relational and personal growth-type of area I most need help in: being able to stop what I’m doing and focus on the other person, whom I love, without being preoccupied with work and wishing I wasn’t interrupted. It is really hard for me to change gears, let go of my plan, and be present with someone when I think I really need to get back to whatever I was doing.

I may fake it as well as I can on the outside, but inside, I’m fuming at having to live someone else’s plan for myself. Sometimes I can tell them that now isn’t a good time, but plenty of other times, I need to let this be my life: giving my time, energy, love and attention to the other person.

After all my years serving at church, reading books on selflessness and about being more like Christ, I wonder if I’ve progressed at all? I still like what I like and although I can be a grownup and do all the responsible, giving things on the outside, on the inside I am often willful and rebellious, smart-mouthed and sarcastic. It’s a good thing we can’t hear each other’s thoughts!

So, what do I tell myself? Do your best today! That is my aim everyday, as I’m sure it is yours. We aim to be our best selves, we sometimes miss the mark, but we reassess and keep going after the goal.

How do we treat ourselves after falling on our faces? Plenty of negative, critical self-talk, right? To care for yourself, though, and to promote inner emotional and mental health, you need to be kind to yourself. If you, like me so often, tend to beat yourself up with your thoughts and inner talk, then switch it up! Be encouraging. Find things to compliment about yourself. Remind yourself that mercies are new every morning. Tell yourself “I love you and you deserve to be loved”.

For Lent this year, I gave up negative self-talk about my body and my actions. Every time I catch myself getting ready to unload the mean words gun, I am amazed at how natural it is. It feels weird saying “I love you” to the parts of my body that I’ve never liked much. It feels weird to not criticize the way my jeans fit or my face looks on live video. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s stretching me in the right direction!

So today, assess your life and be honest about where you need to grow, be more consistent, be kinder, let go, create space, or boundaries. But notice the way you talk to yourself and if it tends toward the negative, then begin to sweeten your tone, be encouraging and kind, and tell yourself you are loved and lovable. Because you are!