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What is Saving My Life Right Now (July edition)
Nature
On the Edge of Autumn
This morning I awoke to another day, with muted birdsong, and an orange sun rising over the trees at the end of the field across the street. My goal is to get up just before the sun and stand on the front porch or walk around for a few minutes to be present at sunrise. This is supposed to support a healthy circadian rhythm as well as give my eyes some much-needed red light therapy. My eye doctor said sunrise and sunset are good for reducing inflammation and bringing some healing to my dysfunctional dry eyes. (I don’t stare at the sun, I just face in its direction.)
It is cool this morning, and fairly quiet. The starlings left last week, I think. They were congregating all over the trees and lawn in front of the house one afternoon, making a racket, and then they were gone. They’re easy to notice because they’re so obnoxious, but other quieter birds have probably left as well and I’m not even aware of it yet. I haven’t seen a robin recently, but it seems too early for them to have left.
Since late August, it feels as if everything is waiting for Autumn to come. We’re still in that in-between place of what is now and what is not yet. I try not to be impatient for cool, crisp weather and the bright reds, yellows and oranges of leaves. The landscape seems to have faded into a yellow-green, and it’s dry. Not drought-dry, just dry. We haven’t had rain in a week and a half.
The Calendula and Bachelor’s Buttons are not putting out as many blooms, but the Asters and Dahlias are going strong and the Lavender Munstead/English Lavender bushes are blooming for the second time this season. This is the Lavender I love the most. It blooms in June, I cut it back after that, and then it blooms again till frost. I’ve been able to collect and dry many bunches, while still leaving plenty for the bees.
I walk around the garden, saying good morning to the plants, shaded by the row of White Pines in the backyard. I gather some parsley for my morning juice (currently celery, carrots, apples, ginger, lemon & parsley) and head back inside.
After a few minutes of yoga stretches and breakfast, I go outside with a basketful of new aromatherapy blends and crystals for my shop, plus my phone and a table for a product photo shoot. I collect a few flowers (yellow and gold Calendula, Feverfew, Lavender & Bachelor’s Buttons) from the garden as props to pretty up the photos and then spend an hour taking photos. This isn’t one of the favorite parts of my business. Editing I don’t mind, but the actual photography always makes my lower back hurt. I have to crouch or bend in an awkward way to take photos so an hour at a time is the max I’ll do. Right now I’m working through my product catalog, changing the background of things I keep in stock and taking photos of new products. I take photos, plus short videos of me holding each crystal so people know how big they are.
After a workout and a shower, I eat lunch and go upstairs for a nap. I don’t nap every day, but more often than not, I take a short nap and read for a while in the afternoon. On days that I’m tired and try to power through, I am so unproductive. I can’t think straight and make clumsy mistakes in whatever I’m working on.
This isn’t a day I can actually nap though, because the farmer who rents the field that surrounds us on three sides has sent what seems like every piece of machinery he owns through the field today. There’s more equipment out there again now. It looks like a disc harrow. Yesterday, a tractor with a spreader came through and it seemed he was dispersing pellets of some kind–fertilizer possibly? Then today, there was a plow, a seed spreader or maybe more fertilizer, a machine that sprayed something (hopefully water and not pesticide on a bare field), and then a couple of other machines that I lost track of.
So I work on a couple of Substack posts, and don’t finish either one. I start one about daily rhythms and another about a sense of place, in a similar vein to what I’m writing about here, and then drift off, uncertain how to wrap them up. I start a post about books I’m reading and then head over here to show up on this dear blog I’ve been neglecting for months!
When I think about this sleepy part of the world I live in, I have to laugh at how annoyed I get at all the farm machinery. Honestly, this is the most noise we ever hear up on this hill, during planting and harvesting. And it doesn’t last long. No construction noise, except occasionally in the distance, like a half mile or more away. Even the grain bin fan down at the end of our road is noisy only a few days a year. We have trucks and cars and school buses that go by, but nothing like on a main road. I live in Paradise compared to so many, and I acknowledge my privilege and am thoroughly grateful.
As that last piece of farm equipment chugs and whines away down the road, I listen and watch for the birds to come out of hiding and look for our herd of cats (six!) to come to the back door in demand of their dinner. The sound of crickets and the breeze tickling the leaves of the maple outside my window are all I can hear.
Tonight is the Harvest Full Moon. And the Equinox is only days away. As the Moon rises high over the fields and trees, I’ll give thanks for the many blessings in my life, and will offer a prayer for peace and wellbeing for all.
Bird Cottage, (Book Review)
I just finished the most unusual and delightful book I’ve read so far this year! Bird Cottage by Eva Meijer is a novel based on the life and research of Len Howard. Len was born Gwendolen Howard in 1895 in Wallington, UK. She grew up in a bird-loving, artistic family–her father was a poet and dramatist–and became a violist with an orchestra in London.
After years of a successful musical career, she decided, at age 40, that she’d had enough of city life and that what she really wanted was to live quietly in the country observing and interacting with birds.
She moved to Ditchling in East Sussex, had a small home constructed, which she aptly named Bird Cottage, and lived the rest of her life with birds. The birds learned to trust her, would fly in and out of her house and even roost in her house in nesting boxes. They became familiar enough with her that they would land on her head, shoulders, hands, and feet. A few of them even came to her when she called. Len began to distinguish different calls and songs, and to understand the birds’ behavior through close, careful, continual observation.
Over the years, Len wrote for various nature magazines and wrote two books: Birds As Individuals and Living With Birds. She became more reclusive as she got older because she was so focused on not changing things in the birds’ environment. When guests would visit, for example, the birds were unfamiliar with these newcomers’ gestures and voices and would stay away. This would set back her research for several days.
Sadly, because she was not a trained scientist and she focused on bird behavior and relationships rather than measurable, quantitative observations, none of the scientific journals would take her seriously and publish her research. However, her writings did raise the general public’s awareness to the importance of birds and the habitats they needed to thrive.
What was wonderful about this book was the way the author interspersed chapters about Len’s life, from age ten and onward, with chapters containing fascinating stories about particular bird friends at Bird Cottage. Even though it was fictionalized, it felt as if I was reading a biography.
Whether you enjoy books about birds, nature writing, or people who follow their own path in life, you will absolutely love this book. I highly recommend it!
I received a copy of Bird Cottage from Pushkin Press, but all opinions are completely my own.
What I’m Doing About Anxiety
For the past few weeks, I’ve had higher-than-usual anxiety levels. Lots of activity and a full house are definitely part of it, plus the changing weather, and my ongoing post-divorce inner work/healing. Yes, I know, we’ve all got stuff to deal with and we have to do the best we can every day. So, here is a list of some of the tools that are helping me get my anxiety under control each day.
Calming Aromatherapy Blend:
(4 drops Cypress, 3 drops Lavender, 5 drops Sweet Orange essential oil.) When my anxiety seems to be peaking, this blend helps me almost instantly. I put it in my diffuser, sit down to work at my desk, and within 10-15 minutes I feel that tightness in my chest ease, the inexplicable sadness and worry lifts, and I come back to myself.
Calmsense:
I’ve said it before and will say it again: This blend of B vitamins and herbs really works to calm me down, boost my mood, and relieve stress. Whether for everyday anxiety issues or for situational anxiety, (before a performance, for example), it works for me within twenty minutes. You should have this in your natural first aid kit.
Walking outside for at least twenty minutes each day.
Just get out there! Your mood will lift, your ability to focus improve, your stress levels will drop, and your overall sense of well-being will rise. Feel the sun or rain or wind on your face, connect with your surroundings, and remind yourself that you are part of the planet, and the planet is part of you.
Meditation/Yoga/Prayer/Pranayama:
Pick one or do all of them, but whether you are praying, practicing yoga, meditating or doing breathing exercises like Pranayama, you will benefit with lowered stress levels and a calmer, more positive outlook. I enjoy meditating and practicing yoga with the YogaGlo app on my phone.
Watching something that makes you laugh.
I can get so serious and stuck in my head, trying to solve problems and get work done, that I forget to take a break and just laugh. Whether it’s I Love Lucy episodes, a movie like Beauty Shop with Queen Latifah or a TV show like The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, a good laugh session will do wonders for your mood and you’ll stress less.
Reading books on contemplative prayer and mindfulness:
Peace of Mind by Thich Nhat Hanh
Contemplative Prayer by Thomas Merton
Everything Belongs by Richard Rohr
Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I would love to hear about what tools you use to help yourself when you are feeling anxious.
I’m Thinking About Trees (A Poem)
I’m thinking about trees, the ones standing
at the back of the house. Maples, in particular.
And how they are so clearly trees and
are not in the habit of having identity crises.
They aren’t wondering if they should perhaps
be like the evergreens next to them, or,
maybe, like the apple trees in the orchard.
After all, those pines don’t stand naked and
exposed during the coldest months of the year.
After all, apple trees have pretty pink blossoms
in spring and all those juicy apples in fall.
No, the maples stand sure with their trunks straight,
while their branches grow out their new green leaves.
They don’t seem to care if the wind blows fiercely
against them. They just dance along—their branches
swaying and bending, their leaves shimmying
with each gust. They have two aims: to root down
deep into darkness and to grow up tall toward
the light.
If anything looks like a prayer to me,
it’s how a tree lives its uncomplicated life.
How it gives itself to each day completely,
as only a tree can. How it stands rooted
no matter what comes and never tries to be
something it’s not. A tree is itself: a tree.
Poem by Kim Pollack /©2019 All Rights Reserved
Planting Native (A Book Review)
Here in the Northeastern part of the United States in April, we haven’t planted our gardens yet. But we are cleaning up our and gardens and preparing them for planting. We are buying shrubs and trees and perennials too. If you are wondering what to plant, PLEASE think about birds before you do. Are you investing in plants that are native to your area? Birds need native plants to thrive and if you already know this, hooray!!! But if not, and you live in the Eastern part of the U.S., this book might be just what you need to help you choose plants for your yard!
The book I’m recommending is called Planting Native to Attract Birds to Your Yard by Sharon Sorenson. What I love about this book are several things: The photos of birds and native plants are gorgeous, the quotes by naturalists sprinkled throughout the text are inspiring, and the facts that are highlighted bring perspective, importance, and responsibility to us as property owners.
Another thing I like about this book is that in chapters 1-3, the author explains EVERYTHING–even down to a definition of what a native plant is (not a weed!) She doesn’t simply say “birds need native plants for shelter, nests, and food”, but explains how birds use the plants for shelter, nests, and food, and why it’s so crucial that we have them in our yards.
Did you know that native plants are actually less work and less expensive to care for than non-native plants? They don’t need fertilizer, and they rarely need watering, pruning, or deadheading either!
In Chapter 4, the author helps us to formulate a plan for our yard and garden spaces, by analyzing what is already in our yard and neighborhood. We make a list of assets and liabilities. She also includes a list of invasive plants named “The Disaster Dozen”. She shares why they are such a problem, how to get rid of them, and what to replace them with.
She goes on to have ample suggestions for what to plant in any size space. Chapter 5 is dedicated to Native Trees with consideration of biodiversity, soil conditions, space, personal preference, and more! Chapter 6 is all about Native Shrubs and Vines and she has you choose one for each season. (I would’ve never thought of this!) Chapter 7 is Native Perennials: Flowers and Grasses, and finally, Chapter 8 discusses Adding Water.
So, if you are a property owner, gardener, landscaper, or bird lover, I highly recommend that you order this book here or from your favorite bookseller!
Late Winter Musings
These last few days of winter and this last day before the season of Lent begins are vibrating with change, energy, and light.
I’m struggling to sleep past six each morning because I am still used to darkness and silence and haven’t yet adjusted to the sun peeking out and birdsong lilting through the closed window.
Not that I am complaining–quite the opposite! I actually prefer change over stagnation, but this year I seem even more aware of the natural world slowly waking up and shifting toward activity and growth.
I have the privilege of living in the middle of all this glory we call the Finger Lakes Region: fields and meadows, forests, hills, valleys, lakes, and wildlife everywhere.
Much of the time, I block out what is happening on the other side of these walls and carry on with the ” more important work” of business and commerce and marketing and study. This disconnect is detrimental to myself, other people, and the earth, so I seek to take a hint from the seasonal transition we are in and change my behavior.
When my children were young and we homeschooled, I followed the Charlotte Mason method which emphasized art, literature, music, history, handcrafts, and plenty of time spent out of doors for nature study. My kids and I each had a nature study notebook. The idea was simply to spend some time outside and draw something that you observed while there: a tree, a cloud, a bird, an insect, a leaf, etc. This strengthened powers of observation while creating a habit of attention to the natural world.
My homeschooling years are behind me, but I need to reconnect myself to nature’s rhythms and be at one with the true pace of the planet. I very much need to reawaken my whole self to what has been before me and what will go on after I have lived my life here.
Mary Oliver, who passed away earlier this year, wrote all the time of nature, of her observations in nature, and of the depths of emotion she experienced in the natural world. I’ll end with her poem, “Mindful” from her book Why I Wake Early:
Mindful
Everyday
I see or hear
something
that more or less
kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle
in the haystack
of light.
It was what I was born for —
to look, to listen,
to lose myself
inside this soft world —
to instruct myself
over and over
in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,
the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant —
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,
the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help
but grow wise
with such teachings
as these —
the untrimmable light
of the world,
the ocean’s shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?
Day 28: Saturday Meanderings
This hilltop home is being buffeted by the wind AGAIN. If we have one day per week when it’s still, that is something to remark upon. When my son was leaving Wednesday night, we stepped out into the evening and everything was still.
No crickets or frogs. No bird singing itself to sleep. Not even a jet or a truck. Just the lights twinkling across the lake, the stars winking at us overheard and quiet. “You’re in the middle of nowhere,” my son stated as he got into his car.
Yes, and the middle of nowhere has its advantages and disadvantages. On the pro side, we can play music as loud as we want, keep the property as neat or unkempt as we want and no one approves or complains. We can absorb the tranquility and beauty of nature from our windows and certainly from a walk around the yard or down the road. Lake, fields, hills, valley, farms, and big sky everywhere we look.
On the con side, you have to drive a long while to get anywhere. Like to Ithaca for groceries or a concert or to a restaurant for dinner. And people don’t always want to come out to visit because it’s a bit of a hike. If they do venture this far, I hope they feel the rewards are many: the view, it goes without saying, and good food and conversation.
This is where I wanted to be when I was six years old living with my parents and siblings in a third-story apartment in Brooklyn. I hoped and prayed for this opportunity. So you could say, I’m living my dream.
Every summer which my mother, siblings and I would spend with my grandparents, flew by with a speed that was stunning and sad. I loved every minute of each day we were given here in Interlaken and every aspect of my grandparents’ home and lifestyle. Although, they were far from wealthy, there was a comfort and solace from the cold, tough and dangerous hustle of city life that I couldn’t wait to run to.
The walks with my grandmother down the lane, into and through the woods are some of my favorite memories of my childhood summers. The sound of my grandparents starting their day in the kitchen, making coffee and eggs, the smell of kerosene when the heaters were lit during cold spells, the feeling of gratitude at twilight as I sat on the tree swing and swayed as the wind pushed me–I hold these dear.
I’m thankful I can go back there and relive those good, wholesome moments and that I had them to begin with. And I’m thankful to be telling my story in the place where my happiest moments live.
Day 9: Tulip Bulbs, Dean Koontz and Carrot Cake
After a busy weekend when we play out, Mondays always seem like I’m trying to find all the pieces of me and reassemble myself.
I woke late, went to the gym late and then planted sixty-one tulip bulbs around the gazebo. Yes, that’s a lot and my back can testify.
My sister-in-law sent me a very generous birthday gift of one hundred tulips and fifty daffodils. They arrived Friday.
I’m thrilled when I think of the beauty coming up next Spring, but now is the time to plant them while the ground is wet and the temperature mild. So I planted a little more than a third of them today and will work on planting them the rest of this week.
After I came in and showered, I put a gluten free vegan pizza in the oven for lunch and sat down to finish The Silent Corner: A Novel of Suspense
It wrapped up nicely, but clearly a sequel was on the way. And indeed, The Whispering Room: A Jane Hawk Novel
Jane Hawk, the protagonist, is definitely a badass, but one with a heart of gold. Everything she does is to protect her son, avenge her murdered husband and save the world. No big deal. If you like suspense novels, add this one to your list.
Next up on my fiction list is Neil Gaiman’s American Gods: Author’s Preferred Text
My afternoon was spent sewing felt dolls and birds while watching The Tunnel on Amazon Prime.
And then it was time for carrot cake. Sarah Bakes Gluten Free is a blog filled with delicious gluten free and mostly vegan treats.
I have a friend coming over for lunch tomorrow and wanted a classic dessert to serve her. This recipe will produce a carrot cake you won’t forget. I subbed carrot for the zucchini and added 1/4 almond flour. With vegan buttercream frosting, it’s scrumptious.
What was your Monday like?
Day 3: Walking on Sunshine
One of the ways I fuel personal creativity is by immersing myself in Nature. I am fortunate to live in the middle of farm fields with hills, valleys, lake and sky out every window I look.
This morning I took a truly satisfying walk. I stepped out of the door into the cool sunny embrace of the day. I walked slowly, taking in the cornfields that the farmers have been harvesting, some already bare, some still standing. I saw the lake faraway, reassuring me that something is right in this world. The Amish farms, tidy and exuding industry and old-fashioned wholesomeness, were to my right as I walked down the hill. I could hear a killdeer shouting, crows gossiping and crickets singing a slower, cheerful early fall song. Doug the dog at the small house near the bottom of the hill stood sentinel and simply watched me. I continued carefully on by so as not to work him up. The sun warmed my right ear and my neck, the slight breeze held the edge of a chill. I remembered what my therapist told me last year: to take walks and just observe sight, sound, scent and relax into my surroundings. So I did not hurry and attempted not to think about calories burned or steps walked.
In the nestle of the hollow, I heard rustling of small fauna within the shelter of the trees and breathed in the sweet scent of decaying leaves. The creek was very low, nearly dry. As I came up the hill on the other side I noticed the hay rounds had been removed. I guess I should’ve snapped a shot of them when I had the opportunity. Maybe next year. After the shade of the wooded area, the sun warmed me considerably and I pulled off my sweatshirt, slinging it around my waist. An Amish buggy approached and a young woman with sunglasses waved as she passed, her black horse carrying her away. The sound of their buggies always causes me a bit of a fright. I guess I expect the grim reaper instead of a good Amish. I chalk it up to my overactive imagination. When I reached the corner where the horses stared at me I turned and headed home.
It was as if by doing an about-face the weather changed personalities. Out of the South a strong wind blew into my face and I walked uphill with dried corn stalks flying at me as the farmers harvested.
Trying not to get bits in my eyes, I squinted against the now glaring sun and kept my mind on home. The romance from earlier had definitely flown. As I passed the lower farmhouse, Doug barked twice to let me know he wasn’t fooled by my lack of interest. At last, I hauled myself into the shade of the driveway and felt an overwhelming sense of love and gratefulness for this house that shelters me from Nature and all her moods. I was definitely ready to be productive with the rest of the day. Indoors, that is.
Tell me about your walks and what they mean to you. I’d love to hear where you go and what the landscape is like where you live.
Life of Kim 