My favorite scene from the Harry Potter films, which I’ve mentioned before is the one where everyone from Hogwarts stands in the courtyard and lifts their lit wands to the night sky against Voldemort and his minions.
Every day, we, too, can lift our wands. We have a choice. We don’t know whether or not we will win in the end, but we can both collectively and individually raise our power.
How can we do that? By being kind. By sharing what we have. By smiling at someone. By listening. By speaking up. By making something just because we were inspired. By using our gifts for good.
It’s simple, really, but it takes some determination not to listen to the voices of doom that zap our energy and leave us feeling completely helpless. We aren’t helpless. We were all given certain strengths and gifts and we’ve honed skills that we can share so that others can benefit from them.
When I think of the small things an individual can do to help children in Gaza, for example, it may seem useless to even try. But I wonder how many of us have been influenced by the social media mindset? That we have to reach thousands of people in order for our effort to matter.
Those of us who know the stories about Jesus know that he stopped for the one. He tended to one person at a time. He didn’t say, “In order not to waste my time and energy, all of you sick get in a crowd and I will wave my arms and you’ll all be healed at once.” He took the time to heal one person at a time.
What does that have to do with Gaza?
Well, we might think our little contribution to a humanitarian organization doesn’t do much. But what if it allows one mother to receive formula for her baby or bag of rice or flour and a few vegetables to feed her family? What if it gives one starving child a meal after several days without? What if, along with a few other people’s small donations, it allows an injured child to fly to another country to receive medical treatment?
Do you still think it doesn’t matter? What if that mother was you? What if that child was your child or your niece or nephew or grandchild? Wouldn’t it matter then? If it matters to one, it matters. You matter. Your choices matter.
My daughter and I have been running a fundraiser for Palestine Children’s Relief Fund called Steps for Gaza this month. This is what my daughter asked for instead of gifts for her August birthday.
PCRF helps children and families in Gaza receive food, water, medical care, and humanitarian aid. PCRF holds a four star rating for accountability and finance from Charity Navigator (only 3% of charities have this rating).
We set the goal at $2000 and agreed to walk 350,000 steps in August dedicated to the children and families in Gaza. (We reached our steps goal on Tuesday night and are still walking!)
This morning I awoke to another day, with muted birdsong, and an orange sun rising over the trees at the end of the field across the street. My goal is to get up just before the sun and stand on the front porch or walk around for a few minutes to be present at sunrise. This is supposed to support a healthy circadian rhythm as well as give my eyes some much-needed red light therapy. My eye doctor said sunrise and sunset are good for reducing inflammation and bringing some healing to my dysfunctional dry eyes. (I don’t stare at the sun, I just face in its direction.)
It is cool this morning, and fairly quiet. The starlings left last week, I think. They were congregating all over the trees and lawn in front of the house one afternoon, making a racket, and then they were gone. They’re easy to notice because they’re so obnoxious, but other quieter birds have probably left as well and I’m not even aware of it yet. I haven’t seen a robin recently, but it seems too early for them to have left.
Since late August, it feels as if everything is waiting for Autumn to come. We’re still in that in-between place of what is now and what is not yet. I try not to be impatient for cool, crisp weather and the bright reds, yellows and oranges of leaves. The landscape seems to have faded into a yellow-green, and it’s dry. Not drought-dry, just dry. We haven’t had rain in a week and a half.
The Calendula and Bachelor’s Buttons are not putting out as many blooms, but the Asters and Dahlias are going strong and the Lavender Munstead/English Lavender bushes are blooming for the second time this season. This is the Lavender I love the most. It blooms in June, I cut it back after that, and then it blooms again till frost. I’ve been able to collect and dry many bunches, while still leaving plenty for the bees.
I walk around the garden, saying good morning to the plants, shaded by the row of White Pines in the backyard. I gather some parsley for my morning juice (currently celery, carrots, apples, ginger, lemon & parsley) and head back inside.
After a few minutes of yoga stretches and breakfast, I go outside with a basketful of new aromatherapy blends and crystals for my shop, plus my phone and a table for a product photo shoot. I collect a few flowers (yellow and gold Calendula, Feverfew, Lavender & Bachelor’s Buttons) from the garden as props to pretty up the photos and then spend an hour taking photos. This isn’t one of the favorite parts of my business. Editing I don’t mind, but the actual photography always makes my lower back hurt. I have to crouch or bend in an awkward way to take photos so an hour at a time is the max I’ll do. Right now I’m working through my product catalog, changing the background of things I keep in stock and taking photos of new products. I take photos, plus short videos of me holding each crystal so people know how big they are.
After a workout and a shower, I eat lunch and go upstairs for a nap. I don’t nap every day, but more often than not, I take a short nap and read for a while in the afternoon. On days that I’m tired and try to power through, I am so unproductive. I can’t think straight and make clumsy mistakes in whatever I’m working on.
This isn’t a day I can actually nap though, because the farmer who rents the field that surrounds us on three sides has sent what seems like every piece of machinery he owns through the field today. There’s more equipment out there again now. It looks like a disc harrow. Yesterday, a tractor with a spreader came through and it seemed he was dispersing pellets of some kind–fertilizer possibly? Then today, there was a plow, a seed spreader or maybe more fertilizer, a machine that sprayed something (hopefully water and not pesticide on a bare field), and then a couple of other machines that I lost track of.
So I work on a couple of Substack posts, and don’t finish either one. I start one about daily rhythms and another about a sense of place, in a similar vein to what I’m writing about here, and then drift off, uncertain how to wrap them up. I start a post about books I’m reading and then head over here to show up on this dear blog I’ve been neglecting for months!
When I think about this sleepy part of the world I live in, I have to laugh at how annoyed I get at all the farm machinery. Honestly, this is the most noise we ever hear up on this hill, during planting and harvesting. And it doesn’t last long. No construction noise, except occasionally in the distance, like a half mile or more away. Even the grain bin fan down at the end of our road is noisy only a few days a year. We have trucks and cars and school buses that go by, but nothing like on a main road. I live in Paradise compared to so many, and I acknowledge my privilege and am thoroughly grateful.
As that last piece of farm equipment chugs and whines away down the road, I listen and watch for the birds to come out of hiding and look for our herd of cats (six!) to come to the back door in demand of their dinner. The sound of crickets and the breeze tickling the leaves of the maple outside my window are all I can hear.
Tonight is the Harvest Full Moon. And the Equinox is only days away. As the Moon rises high over the fields and trees, I’ll give thanks for the many blessings in my life, and will offer a prayer for peace and wellbeing for all.
Now that we’re past Quitter’s Day (Jan. 19) and perhaps some of us see more clearly which New Year goals will stick and which ones we might not be ready for quite yet, let’s talk about discipline.
Discipline can have so many negative feels, right? Just hearing the word “discipline” reminds me of punishment when I was a child. I’ve been letting this word roll around in my mind for a couple of weeks because I know how unfavorable it might sound to say we need more of it. When people in power over us such as bosses, teachers, or parents are doling out the discipline, it might not feel good. But what if we discipline ourselves? What if self-discipline is the thing that makes us stronger, happier, healthier? What about disciplining ourselves to do the things we really want? To be the people we long to be?
I heard a statement a few months ago that said, “We have to show up for our future selves today. We have to be that person now.” If you want to learn some Portuguese for a trip you’re taking to Brazil in eight months, you can’t spend night after night on the couch watching tv. You have to break out Duolingo and practice each night. Or before you know you’ll be in Rio knowing not even the most basic phrases.
Once you know the kind of life you want to have, the relationships, work, health, finances, etc., then what? Do you just keep wishing in a dreamy kind of way? Do you get out your crystals, set your intentions, and wave some smoke around at the New Moon? Do you write in your manifestation journal or meditate?
These are all helpful to do, but how and whether we reach our goals depends on whether we do the thing. Every day or every week. Consistently. When no one is watching. When we don’t feel like it. When we’re tired or bored or would rather go binge-watch something. Focused time toward those intentions we set or revisit each New Moon.
For example, I’ve been “dreaming” of getting a collection of poems self-published before I’m 50. That’s a doable goal…if, and only if I write the poems, edit, and rewrite, and learn all the technical steps required to self-publish. Otherwise, I’ll be dreaming of publishing that collection before I’m 60. I must discipline myself to do these things and, as Brendon Burchard would say, put it on the calendar. If it’s not scheduled, it’s not going to happen. A dream is not a goal.
I actually have lots of dreams and goals. And many of them have definitely happened. I wanted to become an aromatherapist so I completed a training. I wanted to become a meditation teacher so I completed a training. I wanted to become a yoga teacher so I completed three different trainings. Some of the work was interesting and exciting (especially when starting a new program) and some of it was dull and definitely not exciting (especially after I’d been in the training awhile.)
When I look back on each of those trainings, I had to give them my intention, attention, and willpower. Intention was the “I want to be a yoga teacher” part, for example.Attention was my focus: taking notes and attending classes. Willpower came in when I had a list of steps for certification that I had to systematically work through and complete. When I didn’t feel like it. When I was feeling tired or lazy or even afraid I wouldn’t know what to do or I wouldn’t be good enough. No one could do the work for me. It was up to me and my will. I could either do it or not.
The discipline was setting aside time to complete the work. And it wasn’t negative even if I didn’t feel like doing it because I had set my intention to be a yoga teacher. People like to mention “your why” these days and, I agree, why you do something is important. So is “your what”. How did it start? “I want to be a yoga teacher”. There was a why too: “I want to teach people who are intimidated by yoga they see on Instagram or in magazines, people who are less flexible or not in a slender or young body. I want to show them that yoga is for them with the body they have and that they can experience the benefits of a physical yoga practice with simple and doable poses.”
On the days I doubted myself or didn’t feel like doing the work for yoga teacher certification, I could look back at my intention which was “my what”: that I wanted to be a yoga teacher. This helped me remember that I signed up for this work; I chose this path. At the beginning of goal-setting or intention-setting or a new program, there’s so much high and positive emotion that you think everything will be easy and exciting every day. So you do the work or check the thing off your list for a few days. Then you get bored; all the shine has worn off.
This is where self-discipline comes in. It’s not about how you feel. It’s acting with purpose and clarity toward your intention or goal. Toward “your what” and “your why”. Toward your future self. Once you set your intention, you can revisit it daily, weekly, monthly. And ask yourself if this intention still holds true or does it need to change. It’s fine if it does. But if you are still intending toward a future goal, discipline will bring you closer and closer to your goal.
You can speak to yourself kindly and encouragingly. Disciplining oneself doesn’t have to be cruel and harsh! You can channel your inner Louise Hay with some affirmations: “My intention is to become a yoga teacher and I am willing to do the work required to reach this goal. I am happy for the opportunity to take this training and learn so many wonderful new things. I am grateful for the instructors and fellow students I’ve gotten to know during this training and look forward to what this certification will afford me.”
When you finally climb up the hill and reach your destination, you will feel the satisfaction of completion and accomplishment. You will feel confident in your ability to figure things out, work hard, learn, and finish something. And then in that new confidence, you’ll probably set another goal and start the process over.
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Earlier this year I seemed to be running into the theme of edges and margins over and over. People who live on the edges of society. People who live in the margins on purpose to have the life they want. And what plants grow on the edges of fields, gardens, at the side of the road.
At the edge of something a transition can happen. When you get to the edge of your cultivated garden or even a farm field, what we like to call “weeds” grow in these neglected, undernourished places. Cultivation by humans ends here and the wild begins. Nature restores the land as wild by bringing in seeds that grow into plants that improve the soil and hold it in place, and feed native insect and animal species.
People who are part of a community, but feel mostly like they don’t quite fit, are at the edges. They’re the observers of the culture, the ones who see what’s coming, what’s about to change. The loneres, the seers, the oracles, the forerunners, or the Enneagram 4’s, of which I am one.
Earlier this year, watched a documentary about a family who does their best to live by the principles of permaculture (earth care, people care, fair share) and they do the least amount of work in exchange for money/outside jobs so that they can spend more of their time with each other. They gave up a lot of modern conveniences so they can live simply, which means doing a lot of work by hand just to survive. This is important to them, so they’re in the world, but just barely. They’re at the edges. They live a rather uncomfortable life for modern-day humans to stand by their ideals.
When you get to the end of a visit with family, there is that edge that blurs a bit (maybe with tears) as you say goodbye to your loved ones and drive away or watch them do so. I always find it takes me at least a day to acclimate to my usual life and adjust to them not being there, or to my having returned home. There is an edge when I leave them and a transition as I get back into my normal routine. I feel sad, like pieces of myself have gone with them. I’m unsure, out of sorts, and have to work my way through time until I feel more settled in myself.
Edges are uncomfortable and something I would probably avoid if I could. It would be less painful to seamlessly go from one experience to another without that transition, that in-between time. That bump in the road that marks before and after, then and now, this experience and that experience. Is comfort always in our best interest, though? It hurts to grow. It is unsettling to change, to be in-between. Yet we need challenges to change and mature.
I am living in the edges of my spiritual life. I was a charismatic Christian for the first 39 years of my life, albeit a questioning and a bit rebellious one. And then I found I couldn’t accept everything that was taught at face value anymore. I had to leave church. I didn’t fit the mold in many different ways and so I stepped into the wild. It’s been seven and a half years and I’m still in the edges. In the wild places. As I’ve read, pondered, thought, learned about and discussed spirituality from many sources, I’m less certain of some things and more sure of others. For instance, I no longer believe the Divine is exclusive to the Jews and Christians. How could I have even thought that? I used to struggle with those big questions such as:
Until Jesus came and died on the cross so people had a chance to accept salvation, where did those people go when they died?
And before Christ’s time, was it only the Jewish people who could be saved through their constant sacrifices and obeying rules and all the other nations out there went straight to hell because they weren’t Jewish?
And why are Christian people afraid of “Eastern religions”? Where do they think Christianity came from? I mean, I realize it’s been Westernized and even worse, Americanized, but do they really think Jesus was a white man who preached a lot of the stuff one hears in conservative circles today? About property and gun rights and hating certain groups of people because they’re different than us?
I could no longer go along with the idea that because the Bible was written in a time when women were not even considered people, we are still going to follow what is written about women today.
In spite of the fact I’ve parted ways with the church, I still find beauty in some aspects of Christianity. In some of the poetry and prophecies in the Bible; the classical sacred music; some of the liturgy, but that’s where it ends. I am tired of listening to men write books and blog posts about what they think God meant when he said this or that. I am tired of people being afraid of anything that doesn’t have a “Jesus Saves”, “God Bless You”, or “Hallelujah” stamped on it. Of people meeting raw grief, depression, questioning, etc., with a pat verse or cliche instead of sitting with them and holding their hand in their dark night of the soul.
What I am edging into is Celtic spirituality, nature-based, wild, and in the margins. I am searching for more of the sacred feminine in my spiritual experience. I am craving connection with a community yet don’t know if I can deal with the compromises involved in belonging to one. Rachel Held Evans, in her book, Searching for Sunday, admonished readers not to wait for the perfect church or spiritual community because it doesn’t exist. And I know she’s right. I’m just not willing at this point to belong to something that I can’t commit to 100% and that feels completely congruent with the deep, inner places of my heart.
Maybe it’s because I’m still living in the wild places; at the edges and margins of spirituality. I’ve changed so much in the past seven and a half years and will continue to. If you’re living in the margins, in any sense, but especially with your spiritual life, all you can do is keep your heart open; keep seeking, keep listening and asking. God/Goddess/the Divine hasn’t changed. Love hasn’t stopped singing over us and drawing us into an embrace. You are just as loved and just as watched over as those who feel solid in their spirituality. We are all loved, and still precious, still valued, even if we are living in the wild places, at the edges.
How are you feeling concerning what’s happening in the world right now? If you could settle on one emotion, to get to the root of all the other emotions you might be experiencing, is it fear? It seems to me, from listening to people over the past couple of weeks, that fear is very strong. Many of us are living in survival mode and in that state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. I am mostly noticing the fighting–those who are angry and loud, and the freezing–those who are staying still and quiet. And it’s all because we’re scared.
What can we do with all this fear? Have you spent the past few weeks walking in circles, not taking care of yourself, self-medicating with too much screen-time and too much junk food? Too much wine? In a daze? In a funk? Not knowing what to do with the worry and anxiety? This is probably the norm and I’ve felt it too. However, staying stuck in our heads and abandoning our bodies and the world immediately around us will not help anyone. It won’t help people who are suffering and it won’t help us to be supportive of those we care about.
Even in the midst of worldwide chaos and uncertainty, we can set a table, light a candle, and sit down together for a wholesome meal. (Do you remember that last scene in the film Don’t Look Up when they made a meal and all sat down together even though they knew it was their last supper?) We can take a walk in the sunshine or in the lashing rain. We can pick up clutter, fold the laundry, and take out the recycling. When life is chaotic, we need to bring order and beauty into our lives. This is our defiance against the darkness, as Sarah Clarkson so aptly put it in a recent podcast episode.
This is our work. And this is part of our love for the world. It starts with us. Love your neighbor as yourself, says that Golden Rule. Yes, we pray, weep, march, or call our elected officials to change things. But first, we love ourselves and care for what we have. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but we have today.
Why? You fill your own cup first so you’ll have something for yourself and to give others. Fill your own lamp so you can light the way for yourself and others. Only you know what this means for you. For me, this means my early morning practices. What I do before others need me and the day really begins. This usually includes: prayer, meditation, yoga, my morning pages, inspirational reading, exercise, a good breakfast, my herbs and other supplements. If I do these things, I feel strong and ready for what comes. Much more so than if I roll out of bed groggily and too late for these practices and have to answer emails and complete tasks right away. What I do first thing affects the rest of my day, replenishes me spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Another way to think about it is to take care of what you have. Our job is not to worry about tomorrow, but to live our lives fully today. And part of this is to take care of what you have. Don’t neglect your responsibilities. You live in a body, so care for it. Feed it delicious food that delights the senses and that will help you to feel your best. If you’re an adult, you must know by now which foods make you feel alert and energized and which ones make you feel dull and sluggish. Exercise every day. Whether it’s ten minutes of stretching, an hour-long class, a walk, a run, Pilates, whatever, just move your body. Remove clutter and tidy up your living areas. You experience more calm when your living space is clean and orderly than if it’s a disaster. If you’re not good at this, no excuses–learn how. If you’re reading this, you have access to the internet which means you can learn how to do nearly anything. And donate whatever you don’t find beautiful, useful, or haven’t used in a year so you can live lighter and will have less to keep clean.
These are just a few examples of what we can do when life is chaotic. The go-to might be to comfort ourselves by overeating, not moving, and letting our lives fall apart, but that is actually not comfort as I posted about in the spring. The etymology of the word “comfort” means to strengthen much, to give or add strength to. Not much strengthening is happening when we’re eating a whole bag of chips, tankards of beer, and watching a whole season of some Netflix show while the house goes to rack and ruin around us. We are actually weakened by this.
So, love yourself today and give yourself a chance to feel more calm, strong, and centered by taking care of yourself, by filling your own cup first. Because we are needed to be lamps in the dark for others. To point the way toward goodness, peace, love, and beauty.
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Last night I attended a women’s circle for the very first time. It was led by Molly Remer, author of Walking With Persephone, (recommended for mid-life women), as well as several books of poetry and prayers, and co-owner of Brigid’s Grove. Molly leads a goddess-centered life and her books, journals, products, and online offerings reflect this.
Take a deep breath. Inhale deep, exhale long and slowwww. You are not in danger of being eaten by a bear. Because if you’re part of a religion with only male god/gods, the word “goddess” can sound very upsetting and threatening to your belief system. My roots are in Christianity so I know a lot about male-centric religion and the fear associated with thinking outside those parameters.
What I’ve been learning over the past several years is that much of the world worshipped either female only or female and male deities for much of human history. The church came crashing in and tried to stamp out spirituality that was connected to females or the earth. Celebrations and feast days were stolen and replace with Christian ones with Christian saints to celebrate and pray to.
Let me be clear that I still love Christ and love everything I’ve learned so far about him. I still love the story of his miraculous and humble birth, his love for the poor, sick, weak, and “sinful”, his way of speaking out against hypocrisy and the burden of religious expectation. His compassion. His love for others. Even though I’m not in a church anymore, I still listen to lovely choral music or even worship songs and sing them sometimes. I still read the Psalms and other parts of the Bible that uplift and encourage.
But I’m curious, too, about the myths and stories of goddesses from the past, and, in particular, Celtic spirituality (sans human sacrifice, of course.) The old ways. Even Jeremiah 6:16 says, “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”
That’s what I’m doing. I’m standing at the crossroads, searching, asking for the ancient paths. Asking where the good way is. Not the white American evangelical or charismatic Christian versions of the good way. Something much further back in time than that. More wild than that. What’s at the edges, not the mainstream. Ok, enough of defending my why.
I went to Molly’s circle and was welcomed in immediately. It was a sweet, and dare I say, sacred space. No one was praying to anyone or doing demon worship or muttering scary words. Nothing made me feel on alert, afraid, constricted, or freaked out. It was just a group of women reading some poetry, discussing what mystery meant to them, listening to a song, reading a little more poetry, journaling, a little more discussion, and closing (on time) with a blessing (again, with no weird words). Everyone was kind, respectful, and listened more than they spoke. This was the first time I’ve ever felt comfortable sharing in an online group. And I was really glad I decided to go.
So that was my experience at a women’s circle last night. I plan to attend next month as well. I’d love to hear if any of you have ever been to women’s circles outside of a church setting and what it’s been like for you.
Three of the main things about August 2023 that stand out: live performances, the word ‘torpor’, and fear. And now that I look back I can see that they’re all connected.
Fear:
If there is one subject that came up many times for me in things I read and podcasts I listened to it was fear. If you’ve read the much recommended Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert you will recall her writing about how those seeking to invite more creativity into their lives need to choose curiosity over fear. A curious life is an adventurous one. We take a step toward our creative impulses asking “What if?” in a good way and see what unfolds as we bring an idea out into the world.
Fear never tells us to go forward, to try out our new idea, that we are capable, or that we can get past disappointments. Instead fear shuts us down before we start, makes us rethink our idea so much that we abandon it, or tells us why whatever we want to do is too risky. If we live a life led by fear, we will stay small and take as few risks as possible.
As an entrepreneur, I know this, and have to constantly fight with fear in my mind and tell fear to take a back seat before I do anything. I’d be lying if I said fear doesn’t win some of the time. Especially if I’ve experienced a fail or two or a period of low sales, etc. I can begin to doubt my ability to succeed at anything. I know I’m often referencing Brendon Burchard, and it’s because he speaks to the struggles of people in business and motivates us to action.
On a recent podcast about resilience, he says that one of the qualities of resilience is to get back up again and again as soon as possible and continue moving toward goals. The longer we stay down after a disappointment, the farther away we stay from success. And fear will do nothing except keep you down and hold you back. Ugh, right?
Torpor:
The word ‘torpor’ popped into my head in mid-to-late August to describe the energy I was feeling personally, and what I was sensing from others. Sales and interest in what I was offering slumped, everything felt suspended in time. Like we were all waiting for something and withholding decision making and action until whenever that something came.
And then I thought of the torpor which means, according to dictionary.com
sluggish inactivity or inertia.
lethargic indifference; apathy.
a state of suspended physical powers or activities
And, according to the Cambridge Dictionary: the state of not being active and having no energy or enthusiasm. What were we waiting for, I asked myself? The hot weather to end? School or a return to schedules to recommence? The leaves to turn? Sweaters, apples and pumpkin spice everything? Crisp cool evenings around a fire? YES!!! As long as summer remained, there didn’t seem much point in trying or starting anything new. We languidly went from one day to another, without much inclination to do–we simply wanted to BE.
Live performance:
Alan (my husband) and I had several music gigs in August and at each one I felt so fortunate to be able to do this together. If you are a musician or singer you know what it’s like: each new place is an opportunity to win over your audience. And you’re hoping you can so that they’ll enjoy themselves, you’ll find satisfaction in a performance well-executed, and the management will notice and invite you to come back.
One of the highlights of our August gigs was at a winery near Keuka Lake. When we first got there, it seemed a little cramped and like maybe they weren’t going to have a good turnout or much engagement. Within our first hour, an elderly couple came and sat in the front and intently listened to every song. The woman clearly had dementia, as she would ask us the same questions again and again. But she enjoyed the music so much. After each song she would say, “You guys are great!” with a big smile on her face. We felt a little awkward yet honored by this. I think she liked Alan and she looked at him with adoring eyes.
Another party sat midway back on the deck: three middle-aged women and three twenty-something kids. The kids paid close attention to us and sang along, clapping and cheering at the end of songs. FYI, this is highly unusual! Most twenty to forty-somethings are glued to their phones, unengaged and oblivious to what’s happening IRL. This party eventually moved to the lawn to play cornhole, but continued to dance and cheer at the end of songs.
When we said we only had two songs left, I saw one of the girls make a dash for the taproom. A few minutes later, she came up to us, put money in the tip hat, looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you so much! You guys are really good!”
That made my whole weekend. To have a young person who clearly enjoys music, perhaps is a singer or musician herself, come up and thank us felt incredible. Like we really did our job well enough to reach even the young people. And it made me remember to engage with musicians when we are out listening to music. To clap, to look them in the eye, to smile, to tip. While we were listening to a young jazz trio last night at cocktail bar in Ithaca, I thought how magical live performances of any kind are. All the years and hours of training and practice and rehearsals go into a live performance, a gift for whoever will listen.
And how are fear, torpor and live performance connected? When I allow fear to be in charge of my life, I can get into a state of apathy or inactivity because I doubt I’m any good as a singer/musician, so why even try? Why bother practicing? When I overcome these doubts, tell fear to get in the backseat, shake off torpor, and move forward doing the best that I can do (practice, rehearsal, and performing), the rewards of live performance, or any creativity for that matter, is that I used my energy to create. I didn’t stifle or hide it. And whatever the outcome, I can feel good knowing I did my best and I let curiosity, the “what if?” lead me where it will.
What does being kind bring up for you? Is it paying for the meal or coffee or toll of the person behind you? Is it a hug or refraining from saying something sharp or critical to your friend or family member? Is it words of encouragement? Or making a delicious meal for someone who’s having a hard time?
Those examples are the easy side of being kind. There’s a tougher side to kindness as well.
Being kind can be releasing someone who needs you to let them move into the next chapter of their life. It can be ending work at a place of employment because it’s taking too high of an emotional toll. It can be encouraging yourself to go for a walk when you’re stressed or to eat a nutrition-packed lunch instead of fast food so you’ll feel great the rest of the day. It can be saying something that needs to be said, even though you don’t know how it’ll turn out.
One example of the difficult side of kindness from my own life is helping my 24-year-old son pack and get ready to move out West. My mother heart wants him to stay in this area, close to me, so I can see him, spend time with him, feed him, etc. But that wouldn’t be kindness if I pressured him to stay or to heaped guilt on him for deciding to go. It’s natural and healthy for young adults to leave the nest, to spread their wings, and fly off on adventures of their very own. I did my work of raising him, and now it’s time for him to fly.
Similarly, I didn’t hold my daughter back when she left a year and a half ago at age 18. The kind thing was to help her gather together and pack all the household things she’d need for life on her own. To hug her and say how proud I was of her for being so brave to go after her dreams. And I was there to wave her off down the road. After she left, I had two weeks where I was so exhausted I could hardly leave my bed. When I went to the grocery store or anywhere in our small college town, it felt empty. I was bereft and grieving. And it was ok. I slowly adjusted to it and eventually it became less painful. Still hard, but less intensely so.
I think I will have a period of grieving after my son goes as well, and that’s ok. As we know, the only constant in life is change. Everything is always and ever changing. And back to kindness, I will do the soft, gentle kind things for myself. And I will also encourage myself not to wallow in sadness, but to be grateful for all the years I had with both of my kids and for what beautiful young people they are. I will encourage myself to still practice meditation and yoga, to still move my body, to still eat the carrot salad, the kale, the right amount of protein for me. To dance, sing, laugh, and create. To drink tea and wine, tend my garden, to read and write and celebrate life in all its complex, bittersweet, glorious moments. I will be kind to myself.
Prayers of Honoring Grief by Pixie Lighthorse is a collection of sensitive and heartful prayers, reflection questions, and suggestions for processing grief with the aid of the four directions. If you’re in a season of grief or know someone who is, this would make a beautiful gift.
Tears of the Giraffe (No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency Book #2) by Alexander McCall Smith is one of my favorites of the earlier books in the series. There are several intriguing cases for Mma Ramotswe to solve, and things to put right. And she always does. As always, if you haven’t given this series a try yet, please do!
Podcasts:
What Should I Read Next Episode 377: What NOT to read next is a good episode for you if you have a lot of unread books on your bookshelf. Yes, I’m outing myself. I have quite a few unread books on my shelves, although I still want to read most of them.
Art:
Rachelle Kearns is a favorite artist of mine. I share her work from time to time. She paints all those circles–do you know who I mean? Anyway, she has a new print in the Mercyscape series called ‘Mercyscape’ – from dust that is so magical and glorious I can’t stop thinking about it.
If you are restless, if you are not able to sit peacefully and with stability, it is because you are not established in the now. Restlessness is the disease of our times, and the more we try to fill it with the consumption of things…the more the emptiness grows and the more restless we beome. We should remind each other that the now is the only thing that is solid and real. – Thich Nhat Hanh
The success of Yoga does not lie in the ability to perform postures but in how it positively changes the way we live our lives and our relationships. –T.K.V. Desikachar
Ok that’s a wrap! Let me know what you thought of this week’s inspo and have a great weekend. If you want the complete Friday Favorites list, join my Patreon “At the Well” tier.
This week I have a recipe, music, art, podcasts, books, aromatherapy, and a quote to share with you as inspiration. Enjoy!!!
Recipe
My husband makes this meal at least twice a month: Almond Butter Tofu Stir-Fry. Delicious crispy tofu and green beans in a spicy, flavorful sauce over rice. It’s so so good!!
Music
Starling Arrow is a five-woman acapella, spirit-folk group and their music is full of ethereal harmonies and lyrics, yet gutsy and powerful as well. I don’t like sad music and even though several songs are quieter and peaceful, there isn’t a real melancholic feel that makes me want to sob. You have to listen to them if you haven’t already. Cradle is their latest release and I’ve listened to it for three days straight and wish they were coming to Ithaca!
Art
Loré Pemberton’s art calls me back to a quiet, slower, simpler pace with her folk-style paintings.
Podcasts
Business Made Simple with Donald Miller: The Secrets to Self-Discipline and Habit Formation In this episode, Don has a conversation with Craig Groeschel about discipline and habits. One thing Craig said that stood out to me is that we are disciplined in something, even if we often say to ourselves, “I wish I had more discipline.” We can be disciplined at the wrong things, such as sleeping in each morning instead of getting up and working out, or eating too many snacks each night, or whatever. We just need to direct that power to choose something over and over into an area of life we need it in.
Marketing with Brendon Burchard: Everything You Need to Know About Publishing I found this episode so informative, as someone who wants to publish books. He covers self-publishing, distribution, and traditional publishing and talks about the pros and cons of each. I loved it and recommend it if you want to publish a book too!
Books
The Kalahari Typing School for Men by Alexander McCall Smith on Audible. Are you familiar with this mystery series? It’s a comforting collection to me that I listen to over and over. The earlier half of the series are the ones I like best. In this one, Mma Makutsi starts a new business and Mma Ramotswe solves a case of a cheating husband. All the regular characters, Mr. JLB Matakoni, Mma Potakwani, and the useless apprentices make appearances. It’s a feel-good series that I highly recommend.
Bleeding Heart Yard by Elly Griffiths. This was the third Harbinder Kaur mystery novel I’ve read and it was pretty good. If you like her character, a lesbian of Indian descent, and a Sikh, you’ll enjoy seeing what happens to her next. I’m not giving anything away by saying she is now working in London. It’s not as much a favorite as some other detective series, but it’s worth continuing with if you like British mysteries.
Aromatherapy
Delicata House WomanKind Blend: This is my own blend of Clary Sage, Patchouli, Lavender, and Cardamom. I use it for pms/period related symptoms like feeling irritable, down, tired, or stressed. And I also use it when I want some extra nurturing. It’s a gorgeous floral, spicy, sensual, herbaceous blend and one of my hands-down favorite blends.
Delicata House New Moon Blend: Another one of my own blends that I used to bring in some magic for this week’s New Moon Gathering on Zoom. (I hope you come to next month’s 5/18 zoom New Moon Gathering!) Anyway this blend contains White Spruce, Lavender, Eucalyptus Radiata, and Frankincense Sacra, four potent and powerful essential oils. It is all at once heady and expansive, clarifying and grounding. Get ready to plant seeds of intention with the new moon…or use it anytime you want to start or re-start. Diffuse this blend for new beginnings of any kind or for spiritual practices or rituals.
Quote
(I’m not going to add anything to these words. Just let them soak into you.)
To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life. – Victor Hugo
I hope you find some good inspiration and pass it on!
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Life of Kim 