On Tuesday, while eating lunch with my friend, I brought up the subject of transition. We discussed the discomfort, the unknowing, the misgivings and the reinterpretation and reinvention our own identities as we launch into the unfamiliar.
We all know we can’t progress or grow without transition. It’s necessary for life. But some days, the determination to take on the challenges, the exhilaration of the new, the anticipation of our destination fade into oblivion and we feel exposed, afraid, alone and are certain we’ve made a terrible mistake. Couldn’t we return to our old shell, our old nest, even if it was a bit too small?
That was me today. All the gremlins came back with a vengeance. All the things I need to learn and accomplish had me paralyzed. I couldn’t think clearly and decide on which tasks to tackle. After our music practice, I snuck up to bed for a nap, feeling guilty that I hadn’t really done much. Exhaustion weighed me down, so I slept for a half hour.
When I woke, I cracked open Natalie Goldberg’s Old Friend from Far Away: The Practice of Writing Memoir and read “Read this Introduction”. I’m so glad I listened and read it. She explains that memoir isn’t linear, isn’t clean-cut and doesn’t gloss over the minutiae of life. Instead, it lingers on the tiny details beneath the surface.
And she shared some words which lifted me out of my overwhelm and took me downstairs to make brownies for the kids and coconut lime rice because I’d craved it all week.
“Writing is the act of reaching across the abyss of isolation to share and reflect. It’s not a diet to become skinny, but a relaxation into the fat of our lives. Often without realizing it, we are on a quest, a search for meaning. What does our time on this earth add up to?” (p.xxi)
Alan seemed to need a bit of cheering up today too, so we made Margaritas to go with the blackened portobellos, grilled chicken (for him and the boys), salad, delicata squash and the rice. After our candlelit dinner of yumminess, we cleaned up and watched The Corpse Bride which I had never watched. What an interesting, sensitive, dark and sweet tale. When the movie finished, we watched all the extra features about the making of the film. We were floored as we took in the amount of work and attention to detail, patience and level of excellence that was necessary for the film. Our spirits were lifted and I, for one, felt like my personal challenges were actually not as daunting as I imagined earlier in the day.
What is inspiring you this week?