Comfort

What to do in Uncertain Times

KimLeave a comment

How are you feeling concerning what’s happening in the world right now? If you could settle on one emotion, to get to the root of all the other emotions you might be experiencing, is it fear? It seems to me, from listening to people over the past couple of weeks, that fear is very strong. Many of us are living in survival mode and in that state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. I am mostly noticing the fighting–those who are angry and loud, and the freezing–those who are staying still and quiet. And it’s all because we’re scared.

What can we do with all this fear? Have you spent the past few weeks walking in circles, not taking care of yourself, self-medicating with too much screen-time and too much junk food? Too much wine? In a daze? In a funk? Not knowing what to do with the worry and anxiety? This is probably the norm and I’ve felt it too. However, staying stuck in our heads and abandoning our bodies and the world immediately around us will not help anyone. It won’t help people who are suffering and it won’t help us to be supportive of those we care about.

Even in the midst of worldwide chaos and uncertainty, we can set a table, light a candle, and sit down together for a wholesome meal. (Do you remember that last scene in the film Don’t Look Up when they made a meal and all sat down together even though they knew it was their last supper?) We can take a walk in the sunshine or in the lashing rain. We can pick up clutter, fold the laundry, and take out the recycling. When life is chaotic, we need to bring order and beauty into our lives. This is our defiance against the darkness, as Sarah Clarkson so aptly put it in a recent podcast episode.

This is our work. And this is part of our love for the world. It starts with us. Love your neighbor as yourself, says that Golden Rule. Yes, we pray, weep, march, or call our elected officials to change things. But first, we love ourselves and care for what we have. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but we have today.

Why? You fill your own cup first so you’ll have something for yourself and to give others. Fill your own lamp so you can light the way for yourself and others. Only you know what this means for you. For me, this means my early morning practices. What I do before others need me and the day really begins. This usually includes: prayer, meditation, yoga, my morning pages, inspirational reading, exercise, a good breakfast, my herbs and other supplements. If I do these things, I feel strong and ready for what comes. Much more so than if I roll out of bed groggily and too late for these practices and have to answer emails and complete tasks right away. What I do first thing affects the rest of my day, replenishes me spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Another way to think about it is to take care of what you have. Our job is not to worry about tomorrow, but to live our lives fully today. And part of this is to take care of what you have. Don’t neglect your responsibilities. You live in a body, so care for it. Feed it delicious food that delights the senses and that will help you to feel your best. If you’re an adult, you must know by now which foods make you feel alert and energized and which ones make you feel dull and sluggish. Exercise every day. Whether it’s ten minutes of stretching, an hour-long class, a walk, a run, Pilates, whatever, just move your body. Remove clutter and tidy up your living areas. You experience more calm when your living space is clean and orderly than if it’s a disaster. If you’re not good at this, no excuses–learn how. If you’re reading this, you have access to the internet which means you can learn how to do nearly anything. And donate whatever you don’t find beautiful, useful, or haven’t used in a year so you can live lighter and will have less to keep clean.

These are just a few examples of what we can do when life is chaotic. The go-to might be to comfort ourselves by overeating, not moving, and letting our lives fall apart, but that is actually not comfort as I posted about in the spring. The etymology of the word “comfort” means to strengthen much, to give or add strength to. Not much strengthening is happening when we’re eating a whole bag of chips, tankards of beer, and watching a whole season of some Netflix show while the house goes to rack and ruin around us. We are actually weakened by this.

So, love yourself today and give yourself a chance to feel more calm, strong, and centered by taking care of yourself, by filling your own cup first. Because we are needed to be lamps in the dark for others. To point the way toward goodness, peace, love, and beauty.

Comfort Yourself: It May Look Different Than You Think!

Kim5 Comments

How are you feeling? If you’re in need of some comfort, nurturing, and uplifting, you’re not alone! I’ve been hearing this a lot lately. Maybe the winter has you down; perhaps you’re grieving the loss of any number of people and circumstances; and maybe you’re still processing “the lost years”, or still feel stuck in them due to worries about catching Covid.

 If you nodded your head to one or more of the above, I’m sending you a virtual hug. And I want to encourage you to comfort yourself. By this I mean to care for yourself in all the ways you need attention in body, mind, and soul. Good nutrition, exercise, prayer or meditation, enough sleep and rest, play/creativity, water, supplements, a bunch of flowers, a walk in the woods or around the block, connecting with your friends and loved ones, therapy, etc., are all ways to comfort yourself.

It’s easy, when we’re feeling down, to let all that go and just wallow, eat junk, drink too much, isolate, binge watch or obsessively scroll. We think we are comforting ourselves when we check out and self-medicate in some way.

Did you know that’s actually not comfort? Comfort means “to strengthen greatly”. And no strengthening is happening when we treat ourselves poorly–we’re weakening and abusing ourselves greatly instead. This actually makes us more fragile and less able to handle what is difficult in our lives.

Bowl of pears and apples

We need to do what is life-giving for us. To love ourselves enough to prioritize our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. I have to bring up the golden rule because sometimes people get tetchy about loving themselves, especially those with Christian roots or identities. Loving and serving others they can handle, but when they’re encouraged to love themselves it sounds self-centered. Um, it’s in the Bible, ya’ll. The second of the Ten Commandments. “Love your neighbor as…yourself!” There’s an assumption in that commandment that you love yourself before you go love your neighbor. 

So back to comfort. Ask yourself: In what ways am I in need of comfort (aka to be strengthened greatly)? How could I bring comfort into my life today in practical ways? What tools do I already have to strengthen myself? Where might I need help or accountability in order to care for/comfort myself?

Personal story: I am still dealing with the effects of Covid from six months ago. My brain is foggy sometimes, I tire out easily and get this trembly weakness in my legs and have to sit down. Sometimes I have to rest for a couple days in a row. Because of this, I hadn’t worked out as hard or as often as I’m used to. I’d work out one day and take three off–this was unheard of for me! I’ve been working out every day since I was twelve. I felt so bummed about how out of shape I had become, how weak I felt, how I’d lost stability in my core and mobility particularly in my hips. I kept waiting for things to get better. But they weren’t.

Snowy sunset

Then I listened to motivational speaker Brendon Burchard talk about making a Don’t Wait list and beginning to do the things I truly desired to do. And one of these things for me was getting in shape and feeling good in my body again. So I signed up for a challenging 4-week exercise program.

The first week was really difficult and I felt a bit discouraged because it was harder than I thought it would be. My brain tried to tell me it’s too hard, maybe I should quit, etc., but I stuck with it ( and kept listening to Brendon Burchard’s Motivation podcast for encouragement).

I’m nearing Week 4 and can feel my body getting stronger and firmer, my mobility range is growing, and I’m setting my sights on a 100 Day Program that I didn’t think I’d ever do again. And my confidence is higher because I’m keeping my word to myself and doing what I know is good for me to do.

This is an example of me comforting myself! It’s the opposite of what we might think of as comfort, right? Oh, and by the way, I didn’t overdo it, injure myself, or punish myself with exercise. This is a balanced program and includes rest days. I’m feeling better, so this is the right thing for me. 

Kim in workout clothes

I’m not suggesting you sign up for a challenging exercise program. Comfort could look like many different things, depending on what you need. Sometimes a cup of tea, a nap, a book or Netflix, and a blanket is the comfort we need. My point is, if you’re feeling down, or are in a difficult season, take a look at your daily routines/habits and see how you might care for yourself. Being good to yourself will help you feel as good as you possibly can during whatever you’re going through. I hope you find the comfort you need!