Three of the main things about August 2023 that stand out: live performances, the word ‘torpor’, and fear. And now that I look back I can see that they’re all connected.
Fear:
If there is one subject that came up many times for me in things I read and podcasts I listened to it was fear. If you’ve read the much recommended Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert you will recall her writing about how those seeking to invite more creativity into their lives need to choose curiosity over fear. A curious life is an adventurous one. We take a step toward our creative impulses asking “What if?” in a good way and see what unfolds as we bring an idea out into the world.
Fear never tells us to go forward, to try out our new idea, that we are capable, or that we can get past disappointments. Instead fear shuts us down before we start, makes us rethink our idea so much that we abandon it, or tells us why whatever we want to do is too risky. If we live a life led by fear, we will stay small and take as few risks as possible.
As an entrepreneur, I know this, and have to constantly fight with fear in my mind and tell fear to take a back seat before I do anything. I’d be lying if I said fear doesn’t win some of the time. Especially if I’ve experienced a fail or two or a period of low sales, etc. I can begin to doubt my ability to succeed at anything. I know I’m often referencing Brendon Burchard, and it’s because he speaks to the struggles of people in business and motivates us to action.
On a recent podcast about resilience, he says that one of the qualities of resilience is to get back up again and again as soon as possible and continue moving toward goals. The longer we stay down after a disappointment, the farther away we stay from success. And fear will do nothing except keep you down and hold you back. Ugh, right?
Torpor:
The word ‘torpor’ popped into my head in mid-to-late August to describe the energy I was feeling personally, and what I was sensing from others. Sales and interest in what I was offering slumped, everything felt suspended in time. Like we were all waiting for something and withholding decision making and action until whenever that something came.
And then I thought of the torpor which means, according to dictionary.com
- sluggish inactivity or inertia.
- lethargic indifference; apathy.
- a state of suspended physical powers or activities
And, according to the Cambridge Dictionary: the state of not being active and having no energy or enthusiasm. What were we waiting for, I asked myself? The hot weather to end? School or a return to schedules to recommence? The leaves to turn? Sweaters, apples and pumpkin spice everything? Crisp cool evenings around a fire? YES!!! As long as summer remained, there didn’t seem much point in trying or starting anything new. We languidly went from one day to another, without much inclination to do–we simply wanted to BE.
Live performance:
Alan (my husband) and I had several music gigs in August and at each one I felt so fortunate to be able to do this together. If you are a musician or singer you know what it’s like: each new place is an opportunity to win over your audience. And you’re hoping you can so that they’ll enjoy themselves, you’ll find satisfaction in a performance well-executed, and the management will notice and invite you to come back.
One of the highlights of our August gigs was at a winery near Keuka Lake. When we first got there, it seemed a little cramped and like maybe they weren’t going to have a good turnout or much engagement. Within our first hour, an elderly couple came and sat in the front and intently listened to every song. The woman clearly had dementia, as she would ask us the same questions again and again. But she enjoyed the music so much. After each song she would say, “You guys are great!” with a big smile on her face. We felt a little awkward yet honored by this. I think she liked Alan and she looked at him with adoring eyes.
Another party sat midway back on the deck: three middle-aged women and three twenty-something kids. The kids paid close attention to us and sang along, clapping and cheering at the end of songs. FYI, this is highly unusual! Most twenty to forty-somethings are glued to their phones, unengaged and oblivious to what’s happening IRL. This party eventually moved to the lawn to play cornhole, but continued to dance and cheer at the end of songs.
When we said we only had two songs left, I saw one of the girls make a dash for the taproom. A few minutes later, she came up to us, put money in the tip hat, looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you so much! You guys are really good!”
That made my whole weekend. To have a young person who clearly enjoys music, perhaps is a singer or musician herself, come up and thank us felt incredible. Like we really did our job well enough to reach even the young people. And it made me remember to engage with musicians when we are out listening to music. To clap, to look them in the eye, to smile, to tip. While we were listening to a young jazz trio last night at cocktail bar in Ithaca, I thought how magical live performances of any kind are. All the years and hours of training and practice and rehearsals go into a live performance, a gift for whoever will listen.
And how are fear, torpor and live performance connected? When I allow fear to be in charge of my life, I can get into a state of apathy or inactivity because I doubt I’m any good as a singer/musician, so why even try? Why bother practicing? When I overcome these doubts, tell fear to get in the backseat, shake off torpor, and move forward doing the best that I can do (practice, rehearsal, and performing), the rewards of live performance, or any creativity for that matter, is that I used my energy to create. I didn’t stifle or hide it. And whatever the outcome, I can feel good knowing I did my best and I let curiosity, the “what if?” lead me where it will.
So, what themes did August bring to you?
Life of Kim 