Life of Kim

Now that we’re past Quitter’s Day (Jan. 19) and perhaps some of us see more clearly which New Year goals will stick and which ones we might not be ready for quite yet, let’s talk about discipline.

Discipline can have so many negative feels, right? Just hearing the word “discipline” reminds me of punishment when I was a child. I’ve been letting this word roll around in my mind for a couple of weeks because I know how unfavorable it might sound to say we need more of it. When people in power over us such as bosses, teachers, or parents are doling out the discipline, it might not feel good. But what if we discipline ourselves? What if self-discipline is the thing that makes us stronger, happier, healthier? What about disciplining ourselves to do the things we really want? To be the people we long to be? 

I heard a statement a few months ago that said, “We have to show up for our future selves today. We have to be that person now.” If you want to learn some Portuguese for a trip you’re taking to Brazil in eight months, you can’t spend night after night on the couch watching tv. You have to break out Duolingo and practice each night. Or before you know you’ll be in Rio knowing not even the most basic phrases. 

Once you know the kind of life you want to have, the relationships, work, health, finances, etc., then what? Do you just keep wishing in a dreamy kind of way? Do you get out your crystals, set your intentions, and wave some smoke around at the New Moon? Do you write in your manifestation journal or meditate? 

These are all helpful to do, but how and whether we reach our goals depends on whether we do the thing. Every day or every week. Consistently. When no one is watching. When we don’t feel like it. When we’re tired or bored or would rather go binge-watch something. Focused time toward those intentions we set or revisit each New Moon.

For example, I’ve been “dreaming” of getting a collection of poems self-published before I’m 50. That’s a doable goal…if, and only if I write the poems, edit, and rewrite, and learn all the technical steps required to self-publish. Otherwise, I’ll be dreaming of publishing that collection before I’m 60. I must discipline myself to do these things and, as Brendon Burchard would say, put it on the calendar. If it’s not scheduled, it’s not going to happen. A dream is not a goal.

I actually have lots of dreams and goals. And many of them have definitely happened. I wanted to become an aromatherapist so I completed a training. I wanted to become a meditation teacher so I completed a training. I wanted to become a yoga teacher so I completed three different trainings. Some of the work was interesting and exciting (especially when starting a new program) and some of it was dull and definitely not exciting (especially after I’d been in the training awhile.) 

When I look back on each of those trainings, I had to give them my intention, attention, and willpower. Intention was the “I want to be a yoga teacher” part, for example. Attention was my focus: taking notes and attending classes. Willpower came in when I had a list of steps for certification that I had to systematically work through and complete. When I didn’t feel like it. When I was feeling tired or lazy or even afraid I wouldn’t know what to do or I wouldn’t be good enough. No one could do the work for me. It was up to me and my will. I could either do it or not. 

The discipline was setting aside time to complete the work. And it wasn’t negative even if I didn’t feel like doing it because I had set my intention to be a yoga teacher. People like to mention “your why” these days and, I agree, why you do something is important. So is “your what”. How did it start? “I want to be a yoga teacher”. There was a why too: “I want to teach people who are intimidated by yoga they see on Instagram or in magazines, people who are less flexible or not in a slender or young body. I want to show them that yoga is for them with the body they have and that they can experience the benefits of a physical yoga practice with simple and doable poses.”

On the days I doubted myself or didn’t feel like doing the work for yoga teacher certification, I could look back at my intention which was “my what”: that I wanted to be a yoga teacher. This helped me remember that I signed up for this work; I chose this path. At the beginning of goal-setting or intention-setting or a new program, there’s so much high and positive emotion that you think everything will be easy and exciting every day. So you do the work or check the thing off your list for a few days. Then you get bored; all the shine has worn off. 

This is where self-discipline comes in. It’s not about how you feel. It’s acting with purpose and clarity toward your intention or goal. Toward “your what” and “your why”. Toward your future self. Once you set your intention, you can revisit it daily, weekly, monthly. And ask yourself if this intention still holds true or does it need to change. It’s fine if it does. But if you are still intending toward a future goal, discipline will bring you closer and closer to your goal.

You can speak to yourself kindly and encouragingly. Disciplining oneself doesn’t have to be cruel and harsh! You can channel your inner Louise Hay with some affirmations: “My intention is to become a yoga teacher and I am willing to do the work required to reach this goal. I am happy for the opportunity to take this training and learn so many wonderful new things. I am grateful for the instructors and fellow students I’ve gotten to know during this training and look forward to what this certification will afford me.”

When you finally climb up the hill and reach your destination, you will feel the satisfaction of completion and accomplishment. You will feel confident in your ability to figure things out, work hard, learn, and finish something. And then in that new confidence, you’ll probably set another goal and start the process over.